The Man Who Had Too Much
Patricia absolutely hates shopping for her husband, Mark. And no, it’s not because they have a terrible relationship. Quite the opposite, really. Patricia and Mark are deeply in love. They’re the envy of all of their friends and family, and for good reason. Mark made his money young—he retired by the bright young age of twenty seven—and as a result, he’s free to spend all of his days with his wife. And boy, did Mark make quite a bit of money.
Really, that’s the heart of the issue, here: Mark made a lot of money. Some people even say that Mark made too much money, and too quickly. There’s hardly a thing on Earth that Mark hasn’t purchased for himself at this point. In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll go over a few of the things that Mark has purchased for himself.
Monitors . Many people have begun to think that Mark is, well, a tad obsessive. With his enormous wealth, he has managed to cover nearly ever square foot of his home with LCD displays. Stock tickers and sports highlights follow Mark up the stairs when he’s going to bed. Mark wakes up to an artificial version of the sun each and every morning, broadcast in all of its pixilated, LCD glory. When Mark watches a movie, it’s almost as if the movie is watching him. You just can’t get away from it.
PC Laptops . When Mike started making more money than he could ever hope to spend, he began treating computers as if they were disposable. Mark has so many computers that he’s taken to using them in particularly unconventional ways. He uses them to prop the doors open in his massive home. He and his dog play catch with them. He uses them as coasters and paper weights. It’s rumored that he once tried to pay for his dinner with an armload of PCs.
PDAs . Mark always hated these things, but that never stopped him from buying them by the truckload. Back in 1995, Mark figured that these would make for excellent gifts. He’d give them to people who had trouble organizing their day, and to people whom he didn’t like. As fate would hate it, Mark simply ran out of friends. He no longer needed these as gifts. Now, he’s hooked them all up to their own printers . Whenever Mark gets a text message, it get printed out. Such is the enormity of Mark’s wealth.
With all of this in mind, it’s much easier to understand why Patricia, Mark’s wife, absolutely hates shopping for him. Sure, they’re in love. Sure, she’d love to see the look on his face when she finally managed to buy him something that he didn’t already own. And sure, it’d be a personal victory for her—proof that Mark didn’t own the entire world, and that, when pressed, she could solve a problem quite well on her own.
As she walked through the mall, staring at the many, many products that she and Mark already owned, she was struck by an epiphany. It was true, she thought, that Mark already owned all of the gadgets and toys that any man could ever want. It was true that if money could buy his present, then money had bought his present. And it was true that Mark had made his money far too quickly.
But there was one thing—one simple, priceless thing—that she and Mark did not already have: infants and toddlers .
Grateful for her epiphany, and proud of her victory, Patricia left the mall knowing that, for once, she’d be able to surprise Mark.
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The Man Who Had Too Much
Tags: Fictional Stories, Shopping
